I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize