so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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