So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
