She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
