Tell her she can't have a vagina
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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