I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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