Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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