i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
