Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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