I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
