He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
