and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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