I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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