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If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also, beer. Big fan.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
