I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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