I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
