Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
