shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize