I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
