Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize