When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
