Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
