i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
