ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
