it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
