my vag is so smooth its legendary
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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