She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
