I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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