I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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