woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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