Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
