I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
