is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you win again, gameday.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
