Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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