gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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