Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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