we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
