Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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