Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
