i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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