I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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