don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
