so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
