im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
