weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
