we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
