I think I died a long time ago.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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