No stitches, just platelets and will power
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
