Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
