I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
