She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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