I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
