I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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