remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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