Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
