I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
