probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
