addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
