How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
