All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I came so hard my ears popped.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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