I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
