i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
