the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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