I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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