is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
