I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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