I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
