Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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