If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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