"it" just moved
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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