Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
