Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
