my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
