I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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