Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
