She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
