Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
