So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
