watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
