Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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