About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
