I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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