Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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