I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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