Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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