He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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