i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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