I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
