Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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