someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
sex in a hospital.. check
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
