i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
