So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my being single is dangerous.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
