I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
