i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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