Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
