I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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