I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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