I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
