So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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